Men like Bruno Mars and Miguel who don’t fit the typical fuck boy mold still turn me off with all the sex talk. They present themselves in beautiful ways where personal swagger and good management meet, they sing of love and sex and fun, and they cater to their femme audience. However, Bruno Mars has over-exaggerated his pimp pimp playa playa persona as of late. He praises the pinky ring, makes up flashy catches phrases with even flashier music, and he has resurrected the funk. Bruno is a regular ole blaxploitation. This has rubbed me the wrong way ever since "Locked Out of Heaven". Every time I hear "you and your ass invited, so gon get to clappin'' I cringe, I am slightly disgusted and very much annoyed. Why does every hot new pop record have to skyrocket to the top of the charts at my expense? Another example is Miguel, someone who is always sexy but maybe oversexed. He once stimulated sex on stage during a concert of his, which you can watch below. It is gross, tacky, and all the other words a 40-something church mother would say while clutching her pearls. But on top of all the tastelessness, it seems to make femmes the butt of the joke, literally.
Yes, all of that is true. When a woman embraces her sexuality she is badass but when a man embraces his own sexuality it still creeps me out. But I have pondered on this phenomenon and I have a few deductions. I think these awkward feelings and bad taste in my mouth may be because male sexuality, for as long as I could remember, has always been based on the objectification, exploitation, abuse, and overall mistreatment of women. We call men "playas" and that is literally what it means, they play the game, with women as the props, the pawns, and the prize. We say “pimp” or “pimpin’” and pimps literally pimp out women. Pimps are idolized for their swagger, money, and presence; along with the dehumanization and belittlement of women. A sexually confident cis/het man, or confident in general, is one who treats women as if they are disposable. This kind of man changes women quicker than the days change, and is probably extremely invested "in gettin' bitches"; at least based on what I have learned. A man who embraces his own sexuality confidently and intentionally does not really exist without a few bitches and hoes.
However, when a sexual woman embraces her sexuality she is literally reclaiming what the sexual man has already taken from her. Her sexuality has always belonged to men whether her father or our" father" who keeps her from embracing it, or every man she has ever fucked ever wanted to fuck and all those who want to fuck her. It has never been her own.
Now all this (my thinking) is influenced by pop culture, so we have to talk about the capitalization of sexuality. In what better way can we discuss this without acknowledging the late Hugh Heffer, founder, and CEO of Playboy, who Wikipedia credits as "American businessman, magazine publisher, and Playboy." Playboy, the adult magazine filled with beautifully photographed nude some, who are referred to as "playboy bunnies". Having been founded and released its first magazine in 1953, Playboy is still thriving today with even with a premium television network. Though Hugh capitalizing off some sort of sexual revolution at the time could have been a reflection of his own sexuality and who he is as a sexual being, he made millions off of women’s bodies, women who though presumably signed contracts and willingly participated did not have full agency over this image or their individual images. Young girls are taught to worship the glamorous life, the fantasy of beauty and riches, a world where women are seen and not often heard. That image is what male sexuality has used as a step stool.
Back to my original example, the Brunos, the Miguels, and even the Jidennas, all musicians; all musicians who make music which lend themselves to a sort of alternative R&B, with influence from various genres, but primarily R&B. Show business and what it has become, specifically the music industry can be the main culprit for what may be skewing my perception. Hip-Hop music has always real rap raw, direct, in your face, truthful, and raunchy. When rappers talk about bitches on their dicks and exactly what position in vivid detail I do not bat an eye because it was what I grew up on.
Whereas R&B has always sexy, sultry, and subtle. The chauvinism has always been palatable but as of late it has been way to filling, no pun intended. Like I said, the people I named do not fit the typical fuckboy mold. A fuckboy is a fuckboy, but when someone who is not easily defined as such picks up on some of the language and mannerisms it feels like they are not staying in their lane, which is downright unsettling. Am I villainizing anyone for this? No. Will I continue to be totally skeeved out? Probably.
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